if the head is not right, the body will pay..

and all again "it's been sooo long since I don't write!!" I can't even believe, it's like I forgot I had this blog! so many things happened since going to my hometown to visit my parents and friends that I missed sooo much, back to school, 30 Seconds to Mars and Bruno Mars concerts that were just "AWESOME" and it's finally christmas!! it's not that I love it because my parents aren't here but the christmas spirit kind of cheers me up and makes me forget about that part, maybe because the happiness all around seems so contagious..

Besides all of that I 've been feeling weird lately like I'm sad all the time, I don't feel like doing anything, talking or even listening to anyone.. I'm even having repetitive nightmares that I'm not actually sure they're nightmares because I open my eyes "wake up" in the middle of the night but suddenly I can't move, breath or scream, I feel a heaviness in my chest like I'm choking and just for a second it just stops but if I try to sleep again  it just repeats sometimes 3 or 4 times in the same night so I end up scared of falling asleep and stay awake for the rest of the night, which is exhausting and scary, I don't know how to handle it..        I don't even know if worst than that was the nightmare I had a few days ago that I was waiting for a lift to go home when two guys showed up and just took me, they were about to rape me when I woke up screaming..

I really am feeling totally lost, like I don't know what to do, knowing that I need to talk to someone but don't feeling like actually doing it.. now that everything seemed to be right, I don't know what's wrong with me.. I just hope it's not as bad as I think it is and I wish to get better soon because I'm afraid I may hurt myself really badly.. just like they say if the head is not right, the body will pay..

keeping the blog / homesick

it's been so long since I don't write! but as this was the way I found to talk about everything when I was sad and felt that I had no one to talk to, I decided to keep the blog =) after the exams though I'll have more time to write

sooo news of the day!! -.-
I miss my parents and friends sooo much :'( I can't wait until July 17th to go there, if it wasn't the exams and everything I'd be there by now but what can I do?! nothing else than wait! so I'm gonna be counting the days :b .. not to say that I'm also tired of some things here (not that I'm complaining but there are still things here  bothering me!) they're still being too harsh on me but sometimes I even think if I was the one expecting too much of them which makes me feel kinda disappointed now.. I gotta say that "cuting the pain away" at some point can be addictive but I don't really see what's good about that because besides wasting my time on something that may kill me or at least leave scars, why would I risk my life for that??!

(well I'll have to continue this other day because I don't have time now and I just came to see if I should keep it or not)

P.S.: sorry if some phrase doesn't make sense or if there's something misspelled in the text, english is not my main language.

it's funny how things can change in a few months! I mean it's been 4 or 5 months and I passed from staying always alone at school to finaly making good friends and that's awesome because I think that if I had more of that loneliness time I would get to my "breaking point"! seeing me saying that I can finaly make friends now maybe makes people think I'm a totally weirdoo that never had friends! the thing is I actually had lots back in where I lived but it's hard for me to talk to strangers so I was having difficulties but that doesn't matter now that I finaly went through it! I think I'm finaly getting along now :)