just finished my senior year, well almost because I'm waiting for the exams results!! OMG I can't wait anymore, I'm freaking out!! I just want to finish this and go on to the next step but at the same time I keep thinking about it, how is it going to be with college and dealing with different things and different people!!! everything's so stressing, I don't know what to do. I just want to believe that everything's going to be alright!

I didn't write here for so long but it's kinda usual now, I mean it happens all the time, it's like I forget "this". Many things happened, since the boring part (school) to the awesome (concerts) well I went to rock in rio and it was fantastic from Ed Sheeran to Lorde! just awesome!!

now I can't wait to go to "NOS Alive"!! Arctic Monkeys, Imagine Dragons, The Luminners!!! it just couldn't be better!!! I'll just seize the day because on the exact day after the concert I'll get my results and it'll be sad ): (I hope not)

I'm on holidays now so I won't forget to come back here and tell how was the concert :D and the exams results ):

just one more thing!!! ""WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SUMMER??!! like really?? well I think this sums up what everyone's thinking about it!!!

if the head is not right, the body will pay..

and all again "it's been sooo long since I don't write!!" I can't even believe, it's like I forgot I had this blog! so many things happened since going to my hometown to visit my parents and friends that I missed sooo much, back to school, 30 Seconds to Mars and Bruno Mars concerts that were just "AWESOME" and it's finally christmas!! it's not that I love it because my parents aren't here but the christmas spirit kind of cheers me up and makes me forget about that part, maybe because the happiness all around seems so contagious..

Besides all of that I 've been feeling weird lately like I'm sad all the time, I don't feel like doing anything, talking or even listening to anyone.. I'm even having repetitive nightmares that I'm not actually sure they're nightmares because I open my eyes "wake up" in the middle of the night but suddenly I can't move, breath or scream, I feel a heaviness in my chest like I'm choking and just for a second it just stops but if I try to sleep again  it just repeats sometimes 3 or 4 times in the same night so I end up scared of falling asleep and stay awake for the rest of the night, which is exhausting and scary, I don't know how to handle it..        I don't even know if worst than that was the nightmare I had a few days ago that I was waiting for a lift to go home when two guys showed up and just took me, they were about to rape me when I woke up screaming..

I really am feeling totally lost, like I don't know what to do, knowing that I need to talk to someone but don't feeling like actually doing it.. now that everything seemed to be right, I don't know what's wrong with me.. I just hope it's not as bad as I think it is and I wish to get better soon because I'm afraid I may hurt myself really badly.. just like they say if the head is not right, the body will pay..

keeping the blog / homesick

it's been so long since I don't write! but as this was the way I found to talk about everything when I was sad and felt that I had no one to talk to, I decided to keep the blog =) after the exams though I'll have more time to write

sooo news of the day!! -.-
I miss my parents and friends sooo much :'( I can't wait until July 17th to go there, if it wasn't the exams and everything I'd be there by now but what can I do?! nothing else than wait! so I'm gonna be counting the days :b .. not to say that I'm also tired of some things here (not that I'm complaining but there are still things here  bothering me!) they're still being too harsh on me but sometimes I even think if I was the one expecting too much of them which makes me feel kinda disappointed now.. I gotta say that "cuting the pain away" at some point can be addictive but I don't really see what's good about that because besides wasting my time on something that may kill me or at least leave scars, why would I risk my life for that??!

(well I'll have to continue this other day because I don't have time now and I just came to see if I should keep it or not)

P.S.: sorry if some phrase doesn't make sense or if there's something misspelled in the text, english is not my main language.

it's funny how things can change in a few months! I mean it's been 4 or 5 months and I passed from staying always alone at school to finaly making good friends and that's awesome because I think that if I had more of that loneliness time I would get to my "breaking point"! seeing me saying that I can finaly make friends now maybe makes people think I'm a totally weirdoo that never had friends! the thing is I actually had lots back in where I lived but it's hard for me to talk to strangers so I was having difficulties but that doesn't matter now that I finaly went through it! I think I'm finaly getting along now :)

maybe I'm being mean but after everything that she does there's no going back now!!

the thing is, I'm confused because I feel good for leting go of what I think but on the other hand I feel bad for saying that kind of things and making people feel bad even if they do the same to me ..

I keep trying to ignore everything and make things get better but it's sooo hard!!

still not giving up (at least for now)

sooo I went to see Jason Mraz !!
and it was awesome!!

before he appeared I was kinda thinking I would regret it but when it started I didn't want it to finish so soon xP

it was a great time spent singing and shouting for him. <3

hope to see him again xDD

".. sometimes it may seem dark
But the absence of the light is a necessary part .."Love is a four letter word <3 Jason Mraz

it must be all against me now!!
I don't know how but, suddenly I couldn't open my blog!!
I was going to write about other thing but with all this, trying to open then opening something else!! I don't even remember ://
maybe I should just stop with this "blog thing" !!!

AAAHH I hate it!!

I hate it when someone ask me something thn just go nd ask the same thing to other person it's like telling me that I 'm lying!!
if you don't believe me, just don't ask!! don't make me waste my time ... I'm counting how long I can handle this!!

I don't know how to handle this anymore.. everything is turning backwards!!

living like this is so  bad !!

even my only friend that was there for me all the time until I come here is not there anymore :''(

I miss everything!! even every little shit I hated when I was back there, even that..

I don't know what to do!! I want to stay here in pt but living like this...

what should I do..?!?!?!

this ain't living ..

I can't leave like this! it's like living with strangers, you never know how they'll act! they can be happy and suddenly they're shouting with each other.

you ask somuething but it looks like you shouldn't have asked anything but you can't say that because it's like throwing stones!! you better be quite!!!

they're always saying that I don't speak but I defenetly can't tell my opinion or what I'm thinking because you never know!! they may start screaming without reason and I just stay speechless!!!

I just keep quiet, no one needs to know what I think about anything !!!

Attention

As more as I think of it, I think that one of the reasons is "attention". Back there I had none of it! I thought that here it wouldn't hurt that much because they're not my parents so I don't expect too much but, I was wrong, not because of what I feel but because they actually give me attention but in the bad way!
And I thought that how further I was, they would miss me and at least give me more attention "but", it seems like I was wrong again! and it's like they're becoming more and more distant..

aahhh I'm so excited !! can't believe it's almost my quinzeniera (b'day)
til then I have a school project to do and a test but I don't care, I just can't wait for it !! xD

from invisible to starred !! lot worst !!

if I could just tell him how I fell !! I have to see him everyday, I think he knows, cuz I find him starring at me everytime I look at him (btw thing that I shouldn't do) but I'm glad there's only one month left for holidays. so I won't have to see him everyday x/ with his girlfriend! that by the way is kinda ugly! LOL what would I say !! .. I'm thinking of adding him on fb. but then I won't know what to tell him, it would be just awkward !!  I have to figure out somethin to do !! need HELP !!

Worried x/

hey !!
sorry I stopped writting, I just couldn't..
my life changed (literally) !!
good things I'm in a new country, new people, new friends, new things..
bad things no parents, no old friends, everything is different..
I choosed it but,
       will get used to it??




P.S.: worried  x/

Less awkward .. More confusing ..

so remember the awkward moments when the chat always ended up on "m2" ??

well a friend told me that he had a gf but he didn't really like her !! I didn't believe cuz she wasn't really pretty .. so I went to ask him .. he kinda freaked out saying that it's not true and asking who told me that!!

what should I do ?? should I tell him?? I don't know what he'll do!!

P.S.: I'm happy to know that she's not his gf!! and to know that our chat was finally longer than the others!!

P.S.2: I'm sad cuz it was gonna be a lot easier if it was her!!

Happy *..*

I'm so happy, my mom went to brazil on september 21 and she's gonna be back this tuesday :D
sometimes she's annoying but I miss her soooo much :(
can't wait to see her *..*

AWKWARD.

the worst thing that could happen now ..
is it possible ?? I can't have a crush on him, I mean I know nothing about him and I think I only saw his pic on fb ..
but why the hell am I allways waiting to chat with him on fb if I don't know what to say !! I can't just say "hey, I saw ur pic nd I think u're cute so I want to b ur friend or mayb more" he'll think I'm crazy !!!

our chat is like
me-hi
him-hey
me-how r u?
him-ok nd u?
me-m2
....

what should I say/do ??

awkward...

exaggeration

okk !! maybe I exaggerated a bit on what I said before .. so what ?? it's how I felt !!



I hve not much to write today because I'm sooo excited to watch the 1st episode of the 3rd season of  The Vampire Diaries !!! xD

excluded.

they're allways saying that I've to think 'bout the others !!! we can't do something without the others .. we can't go somewhere without the others .. cuz they may feel excluded !!! but what about me ??? what about when you do something or go somewhere without me ??? shouldn't I feel excluded 2 ???? but no one remembers that !!

y does it hve to b lke this ?!

soo I'm kinda like an average teenager, only thing is that
I hate having to face new things .. when you gotta chose, pretend to be something just to be popular and have lots of fake friends ooor just be yourself and stay with maybe 5 friends that may disappear when u need them ... !!!
errthing changes, there's allways sumethin wrong !!!!!!

" being a teenager makes you wanna die -.-'' "